I don't know what to feel anymore. I think that I've lost interest in Jay completely, but everytime I try to put what I feel into words, it always reminds me that a tiny bit of my heart is still attached to him. It's best to move on, but it's also hard to move on. Sometimes we must choose between what is right and what is easy. I've got to start taking the hard road because in the end, it will lead to the most happiness.
I've started on the path of my dreaded recession back to my old ways, yet, it's an entirely new path. All the talents I wanted to create and build on, all the activities I thought I wasn't good enough at, turns out I was really good at all of those things once upon a time, but I gave them up for other pursuits. Now I'm going back down the familiar path and it feels warm and inviting.
Add on to my list of players, Jacoby. A hard choice still lies ahead as to who to choose, but I have no love interest yet while I am forced to break my own heart. Truly, the cruelest thing anyone can do to you is break your heart and it's even worse to break your own. Yet I know that Time will heal these wounds and others will fill the gaps. I know I will have scars in the future, but so much more knoledge and experience. I look forward to sharing it with others to help them down their own difficult paths.
Oh Jay, you make this hard for me. Not even Evan, Jack, and Jacoby can replace you, but I know it's time to release you. I've lived in my lies and sorrow for far too long and I know a better life awaits. Don't take it too hard on yourself. Please. It's better for us both. Love you forever and always.
The world's a little tighter. It's simultaneously holding me close to it's heart and pushing me into a dark box, far away from light and joy. Oh World, you cruel thing you. Help guide me away from this dead end. It's time to start anew.
No comments:
Post a Comment