Day 6- The World's a Little Tighter

I don't know what to feel anymore. I think that I've lost interest in Jay completely, but everytime I try to put what I feel into words, it always reminds me that a tiny bit of my heart is still attached to him. It's best to move on, but it's also hard to move on. Sometimes we must choose between what is right and what is easy. I've got to start taking the hard road because in the end, it will lead to the most happiness.

I've started on the path of my dreaded recession back to my old ways, yet, it's an entirely new path. All the talents I wanted to create and build on, all the activities I thought I wasn't good enough at, turns out I was really good at all of those things once upon a time, but I gave them up for other pursuits. Now I'm going back down the familiar path and it feels warm and inviting.

Add on to my list of players, Jacoby. A hard choice still lies ahead as to who to choose, but I have no love interest yet while I am forced to break my own heart. Truly, the cruelest thing anyone can do to you is break your heart and it's even worse to break your own. Yet I know that Time will heal these wounds and others will fill the gaps. I know I will have scars in the future, but so much more knoledge and experience. I look forward to sharing it with others to help them down their own difficult paths.

Oh Jay, you make this hard for me. Not even Evan, Jack, and Jacoby can replace you, but I know it's time to release you. I've lived in my lies and sorrow for far too long and I know a better life awaits. Don't take it too hard on yourself. Please. It's better for us both. Love you forever and always.

The world's a little tighter. It's simultaneously holding me close to it's heart and pushing me into a dark box, far away from light and joy. Oh World, you cruel thing you. Help guide me away from this dead end. It's time to start anew.

Day 5- Band-Aids Really Can Help

I shed off the sad Sky. I woke up new and ready. It doesn't mean that I'm going to like doing homework this next week, but I suppose I can now muster up enough energy to do it. I even got a hair cut and it makes me feel so much lighter and freer. I can't wait until the next gust of wind to run outside and let my hair blow in the wind. I'm even well rested so I can go out and party some more. It's a new week, maybe I can even catch Jay's attention.

I've realized that I do actually understand technology better than I thought. With all the fancy new computer, cell phone, and iPod technology out there, I just can't seem to keep up. I've been working on personalizing all my high-tech gadgets all weekend and I'm satisfied at last. I just keep having feelings that life is great. It must be all the radio hits I've been listening to lately. They really put me in a positive mood. As always reading and cleaning are my escapes.

I've also been trying to develop my talents even more. I've been doodling and sketching more and even writing new stories. Maybe I can share them with more people than just my best friends. I also have a sudden craving to learn the piano, guitar, and oboe. Can it be possible to play that many instruments? With the summer break coming up in a few months, I can hardly wait to get a jump start on all these new talents.

I see Jay again tomorrow. I'm nervous after not talking to him for a while. I hope he's okay with my new haircut. I wonder what I can do during my special hour with him. If I read will it make me look smarter? If I do homework, will he think I'm a jerk? If I play music or games on my iPod, will he think I'm a gamer and technologically advanced? Maybe I should just talk with my friends like usual and be myself. That's the obvious choice isn't it? I just don't know what to act like around him anymore.

We'll just see what tomorrow brings. I have a feeling it's going to be pretty good. I sure hope so anyway. I'm looking forward to waking up early. Is that a good sign? Maybe I really am not a typical teenage girl. I need some advice from my friends. How should I act to be more attractive, both my looks and personality without changing who I am inside?

Day 4- A Dark and Stormy Day

It's gray outside and I can't seem to get my mood up. I haven't talked to Jay for 3 days now and I'm suffering from lack of Jay. That must be a disease. Jay-idis or something like that. I'm on top of my homework, but I still worry that I'm missing something. I've just finished a 500 page book in two days. That must be a new record. My emotions are dull however, from reading it and I'm kind of regretting it. I'm cold and my hair isn't cooperating again. Tomorrow I've got to do something about it.

I hope I can get out of this mood. It's messing up the positive attitude I've had for the last few days and I don't think I can afford another recession. I've been changing things like crazy and yet I still can't get rid of some old habits that keep coming back to bite me. I need to turn this page in the book of my life, but I've got glue or something on my hands and I just can't let go. I just want to poor water on the book and start over, but I know that won't be very productive. Time is life (and money).

Now that it's the last term of the year, I know from experience that it will be a struggle to finish out the year. I'm going to need a miracle to help me get through and it better hurry up and come sooner rather than later. Even though I'm not very superstitious, I can see why people are. I'd believe anything right now just to keep my hopes up. Maybe a shooting star, a genie, a leprechaun, anything, will appear to me and grant me wishes. Please?

I lost momentary interest in Jack and Evan in a desperate, all-out attempt to get Jay back. I've been plagued by so many memories of us, the first time we met, the first time he came over to my house, the first time he said my name, so many are good so why are the recent memories bad? I've got to fix that, but right now I'm not sure how.

Can anybody help me out there? I look up at the clouds and give my last plea to the sky. A tiny splotch of blue peeks through the storm clouds. My favorite color. A tiny spark of hope flashes across my green eyes. Sky hasn't given up and neither have I.

Day 3- Some New Players

I've been looking forward to this day all week. An hour alone with Jay before classes. This may not sound like much, but it's harder to find time to spend with Jay than with some of my other friends. I look around anxiously, wondering why he hasn't met up with me yet. Finally I give up. He isn't coming. I head off with some of my other friends and we spend the hour laughing and talking, yet there's a part of me that clings to the hope that Jay will come.

Then I see him. He gives me a quick hug, but leaves shortly thereafter. I can't believe it. Something's up with Jay, I know it. I wonder, is it his family? Perhaps it's another girl. No. I refuse to believe that. I've liked him for more than half a year now and I can't stand the thought of him liking someone else. I mean, we're best friends. You'd think he'd notice me and all the things I do to try to get him to like me. I'm sure he just needs some space. I can't be selfish and claim his soul as mine to control. He has a life away from me and I should respect that. But still... I wonder...

With every new day my mind feels more and more like a chess game. The person I really am, the girl full of potential and greatness, perhaps conspiring to be famous one day, is the king. No matter which techniques and pieces I use, I still can't get to that elusive king. I catch glimpses of him and sometimes I even feel as though I've caught him, but he still manages to escape my clutches. I've used far too many minor pieces in my moves, it's time to pull out the queen. Perhaps her superior power can finally overwhelm the king's protective forces.

As I play this game, trying hard to see the way, I face many opponents. Many are just like the one that came before. Easy to beat and to see through their actions. Yet I've come across some new players recently. A couple in particular have captured my attention. Their names are Jack and Evan and they are like none I've ever seen. Their moves are surprising and pleasant and at last I am enjoying the game again. They have been able to penetrate some of my defenses, they are now delving deeper into my mind than most. They see me for who I am. Even parts that I cannot see myself. I like this new feed of information. For above all, information is power. Perhaps they can lead me down the right path in my mind, the one that leads to discovery.

These new players make me excited for what is to come. Yet an old friend still haunts my dreams. If I cannot get out of the past, will I ever be able to see my future? And what of Jay? I am growing impatient of waiting for Jay to find himself again and to finally like me back. Maybe I should look for someone else, more reliable. Can Evan and Jack fill that empty space in my heart? They are what I'm looking for, but only Time, in the end, will solve this dilemma.

Day 2- Changing Sky

It is Monday. Usually it's the worst day of the week. Plus I got to bed a little late last night. I even had to skip my favorite breakfast cereal in order to get to school on time. I am now wearing one of my least favorite outfits, my hair isn't cooperating, and I can't concentrate properly.Why then, do I have such a positive attitude? This is not like me at all.

We watch a movie in history. So far the day's off to a good start. Again, I ask myself, why? They serve one of my favorite lunches today in the cafeteria. At this point, I am starting to think I am dreaming. It all seems too suspicious to be real.

Jay wanders around with me at lunch. He seems to be a bit more playful today and I can't resist hugging him, perhaps a little more than he wants. Yet his mind still seems to be on other things. I have to wonder, what is he thinking about? In science class, he seems tired, wary, and even tries to ignore me when I poke his back. Why is that?

Back at home, I have no obligations, just me and a bunch of free time. When does this ever happen to me besides today? I enjoy my leisure time by watching youtube videos, listening to all my favorite songs, and going crazy outside. For some reason I have a rare burst of energy that carries me from one activity to the next at rapid speed. I even attempt a cartwheel. I never have this much energy. I find myself thinking yet again, why?

The big question today, as I'm sure you know, is why? Why, why why?

Then I know. Just a few days ago I decided Sky was going to change for the better because there are so many things I wish I can change. Just deciding I was going to get better seems to have helped my life out. I guess having a positive attitude really does help. Oh wonderful. That means my mom was right. I hate it when she's right!

Well it looks like I've got the extra energy change down. I'm going to keep it up. However, I've still got a long way to go. For now I must wait and see what tomorrow's changes bring.

Day 1- A Little Bit About Sky

I stagger slowly up the hall, my eyes and feet heavy, leaning slightly forward to counterbalance the gigantic weight on my back that is my bag. I remember stuffing all my binders and a textbook as neatly as I could into my backpack the previous night, but it still looks lumpy and unsightly today. My outfit and lengthy blonde hair are a mess. My arms are hanging limply by my side. I have deep shadows under my eyes from staying up late, writing.

I love writing. Short stories, the beginning chapters of mystery or adventure novels, poems, plays, anything I want to write, but I am paying for it now. I didn't get any homework done and am now secretly hoping to finish it in the remaining minutes before the first bell rings. No such luck today, however. I am frantically scanning a study guide, praying I can cram a few more words into my brain, when I glance up. Oh great. Jay Lyndon is walking towards me.

Jay is my best friend and secret crush. He has brown skin that contrasts sharply with my own pale white skin. His black hair sticks up in wavy curls. He always wears jackets of varying styles and today he has on a soft blue one, my favorite color, and some nice dark jeans that look like they are fresh off the rack of a fashionable clothing store. He flashes his bright white smile as he comes closer.

I reluctantly put the study guide into my backpack and put on a fake smile for Jay. He doesn't even bother to hug me like he usually does as he comes up. That's alright. I don't much feel like it today anyway. We keep walking up the halls of our high school. We don't talk much, but I'm okay with that. My mind and mouth aren't exactly on the same page at the moment.

We stand together by my friend's locker as she put a few things away. Afterwards, we stand quietly and Jay pokes me. He knows it bugs me, but lately, every boy and girl seems to be doing it to each other as a greeting in the halls. I secretly hope it means he likes me back. At last the bell rings and Jay walks with me past my class. Once outside my classroom, he gives me a hug. I don't give him anything in return.

The rest of the day passes all too slowly. Why is it that every day is the same? Get up, get ready, go to school. I long for a new day. A time where I can be free. A time where I can finally be myself. This tired version of Sky, who barely hangs on to conscienceness and stumbles through each class, is not me.

Then I say to myself, "Why not change that?" A smile slowly creeps up my tired cheeks. I can change my life. I can make it better, more fun, more interesting. I start walking faster on my way home. Tomorrow, the world will see the real Sky.